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ALL WRITTEN AND ARTWORK ARE THE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF PSG LOPES. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2018.
Many of you who are familiar with my blog know my story well. My father has been suffering from dementia for the past six years now. My whole family has been negatively affected by this whole experience. My immediate family and I have been taking care of my father one hundred percent of the time without any outside help aside from his doctors who provide him with the appropriate care and necessary medications periodically.
From providing medications in the mornings and evenings to feedings to bathing and clothing, and ultimately the care for his health and well-being, my family and I handle it all. Many times when you watch a movie or television you see the elderly always being placed in a hospice care facility if they are very ill or in a nursing home once they have retired. No one ever tells you the real story that not many families can afford that kind of round-the-clock care for their dying loved ones. Our family had to bear the whole responsibility of his care entirely alone without any outside help.
Even with four grown adults taking care of my father around the clock, it is impossible not to experience caregiver burnout. Finding time to do things for yourself become increasingly impossible. My fiance and I talked about my father’s care and he often told me that he would understand if I stayed at home a little while longer to make sure I saw to my father’s care until he inevitably passed on. Subconsciously, I felt that this was a major reason I couldn’t get on that plane to Ireland a few weeks back. I just couldn’t, in good conscience, leave my father during the twilight of his life.
As one of the primary caregivers for my father, I am often infuriated when outsiders come in and have the audacity to pass judgment or offer advice on how to properly care for my father. The absurdity and laughable joke of people who have no empathy, no compassion, and absolutely no clue in the world what it is like living with someone with dementia. Watching a once educated man completely dissolve in front of your eyes, a man who once prided himself on his appearance is now completely unrecognizable. Comparing videos and pictures from just one short year ago, it is shocking at how different my father looks. I don’t even know the man that stands before me.
Aside from the emotional aspect, taking care of the elderly is not pleasant at all and undignified. It is embarrassing for my dad. Even with him being ill, he still exhibits shame and understands when he is being bathed and disrobed. It is torture seeing him this way and is psychologically traumatic for everyone who has to see him this way. The smells are also so sickening. Dry heaving has become my daily morning routine.
After all the horrific, terrible things I have seen and endured over the years, I do not pay any attention to outsiders who come in and think they are experts, think they know everything, and think they have what it truly takes to take care of someone who is in such poor condition physically and mentally. My family and I pride ourselves on how well my father is taken care of and we all sleep just fine and the end of the day knowing we took very good care of him. Even with his illness, the man can still enjoy looking at magazines, he can still smile and laugh when we make funny faces and joke with him. The core being of my father died years ago, but there is still a human being in there. He deserves dignity and respect and full-time help, not passersby who think they know better than we do. Keep your comments to yourself. If you really want to help, spend a week with my dad doing everything that we do and give us all a break. Then maybe I will have a modicum of respect for you and your uneducated and ignorant opinions.
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