Love Shark, Baby

ALL WRITTEN AND ARTWORK ARE THE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF PSG LOPES/THE MOONLIT GODDESS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2016-2023.

I think of this artistic journey I’ve been on since the fall of 2016 and I think about how much I’ve matured and grown not only on a personal level but on a spiritual one as well. I’ve been tinkering with new media and I’ve truly become a Jill of all trades in the art field and am willing to dive in and try anything at least once. I enjoy all of them equally. I love writing everything from blogs, poetry, fiction, non-fiction, children’s books, etc. I love singing and songwriting, I love screenwriting. I love photography. I love creating art, but traditional methods of art creation are just not in my budget.

I’ve found a home with digital art and I’m engrossed in learning different techniques, finding what is most challenging for me, finding what I’m most comfortable and naturally better at, and finding my artistic fingerprint in my digital art pieces. Digital art has provided a place to store all of my anger, my grief, my pain, my suffering, and my struggles. This journey truly has become art therapy for me. I marvel at how I was when I first began, looking at my previous children’s books illustrations to where I’m at now with digital art and I can see how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned since I started.

I always felt a gaping hole in my heart, and I always felt a longing for something missing in my life. In my twenties I chased men thinking that they were the answer to my grief, to that longing for something missing, I thought through their company I’d somehow feel complete. I thought all of the dead-end jobs I endured before becoming a full-time caregiver would somehow fill the gaping wounds that only grew larger as I got older. Neither of those things was the answer and that sense of yearning for something more always remained.

My mental health struggles became like an unwanted supernatural gift I acquired quite young like something out of the movie Teen Witch only I would never be “the most popular girl” or watch my friends have cool rap battles in the middle of the street telling each other to “top that.” It has been way more traumatic and devastating than that and I’ve deteriorated dramatically over the years growing angrier, more bitter, more lost, and more resentful. When I began therapy, I found a place to put all those feelings and started filling up that proverbial hole that I thought was missing. It was like I was symbolically filling in the crevices with cotton balls until I slowly became somewhat whole enough to begin focusing on my life for once and evaluate what I truly wanted.

I don’t think I ever was at a place before in my life where I felt free enough to honestly give a thought to where I wanted to be and the path that I wanted for myself. That sensation, that thing I thought I lacked, I realized, was freedom. Freedom to be who I truly am. Freedom to be the person I’ve always wanted to become without worrying about what others thought of me. Freedom to live in this body without guilt or shame. It’s been one hell of a journey but I’m in love with who I am becoming. For the first time in my whole life I love who I am and am so damn proud of every ounce of strength I’ve accumulated like power-ups in a video game!

Today’s art piece was a victory! I can’t believe I created that!! Some animals are easier to draw than others. I wanted to create a Valentine’s day themed piece but add a level of absurdity to it hence the use of the shark. I’m so in love with how this turned out! Some pieces are hits and some are misses, but I really love this piece. This one took about four hours in total to complete. I meticulously hand drew, colored in, and shaded that shark and I’m most proud of how its mouth and teeth turned out. I jokingly call this piece, “Love Shark, baby,” as a nod to the classic song, “Love Shack.” I figured it was a fun title given the theme and given Valentine’s Day is vastly approaching.

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